#PoeticalCondition
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Deviousness `anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
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Sta.sh
Firstly... I loved the meter incorporated in this and the way the words just slip off the tongue. In simpler words, it was quite enjoyable to read. The rhyming was well used and while Dawn and Mourn can be considered partial rhymes, they work together well. In terms of meter... the last couplet, first line, did feel a bit different from the others which made it a bit... say... strange to read. A bit though, the rest was fine.
If I were to consider the meaning now, it is hidden in a way. It is not portrayed outright and the wonderful read made it quite hard for me to even consider the meaning. But if I read it with some concentration, the theme/meaning is based on a reality of life. The fact that sorrow remains unseen unless it is you who witness it. The description then showed a slightly different aspect but both work well and over all, I enjoyed this. The second last line is all that felt out place for me.
There is not much to critique in this particular poem. The use of spacing provides a significant openness that adds to the concept of paradox in this poem.
The use of couplets, with the rhyming... is almost as if this poem was written with an Urdu perspective. Which isn't that bad - it provides an interesting thought to this poem.
All by all, a well written work. Its a perfect five
Vision: 4/5
Simplistic, clean, and beautiful. My only complaint here is that I WANTED it to be just a bit longer, I was enjoying it that much. Well done!
Originality: 5/5
This is a great simple take on an English Sonnet. I love the subject matter, and the inspiration behind it is even better. Extremely well done, in the case of originality.
Technique: 5/5
Not too much to say here, your technique was on par!
Impact: 5/5
The word choice was phenomenal, and I love the contrast between life and death, good and bad etc. The inspiration behind it however, being your job as a resident medical officer, it was got me the most... poetry that comes from life is the best kind. Forming your experiences into beautiful words. I loved this poem. Well done!
Future Reference: This poem is not "Free Verse" it is actually a type of "Traditional Fixed Form" resembling that of an English Sonnet. Placing it in the wrong category did not effect my critique at all, and is a common mistake for those who do not yet know poetry terms.
Prettyflour here on behalf of
First, I would like to say that I very much enjoyed this poem. I am a big fan of short poems. I LOVE when just a few words can say so much- and that is certainly the case with your poem.
This is short and to the point with strong impact and vision. My favorite lines were:
For In This Night Death Did Creep
While The World Was Sound Asleep
Those words made me realize what this poem was all about- before I read your comments. I just love it when I can really... get what a poem is all about without reading the authors comments!
The only question I have is why are most of the words capitalized, but not all of them? When I read this the second time, I was trying to figure out why, and I just couldn't figure that out. I found myself wondering if there was a reason for that?
Also... In the last line, was there a reason that you used the word 'trendy'? It felt like an odd word choice in comparison to the rest of the poem, and I was wondering about the meaning behind the word...
On the whole, I very much enjoyed this and it made me want to read more of your work, and THAT is the biggest compliment I can give a writer.
I hope this was helpful and if you would like to discuss further, please don't hesitate to reply.
Thanks and have a great day!
as for trendy ... I didnt really notice it til now but i guess i was thinking that the world just goes on having fun and "hip" or "trendy" are usual terms used in such cases I guess but idk
Side Note: The formatting is a bit overzealous, IMO. It would be easier to read if made centralised, no?